Do You Believe In Magic?
by SVULAWYER1
Summary: someone close to Olivia dies but who is it? and how will the whole thing change her life
1. Say GoodBye

Disclaimer: I told Dick to tell his people to call my people...and were still waiting

"Cragen..." the day was slower then most days so he let the rest of the squad take a longer lunch then normal.

"Are you sure?" you could see the water around the rim of his eyes.

"Ok, well thank you" his eyes went to the photo on he desk.

_Flashback_

"_Come on guys just one more and then we can go back inside"_

"_But Liv it's cold out here, madder of fact it's beyond cold"_

"_Shut up Fin, today's my daughters wedding day and your going to do what she asks of you" Cragen gave him 'the eye' and left it at that._

"_I love you Olivia" and then there was a flash_

_End flashback_

Footsteps could be herd as they were coming towards his office "Cap were back" he looked up hopping that the tears that had fallen from his eyes weren't visible.

All he could do was shake his head ok. As he was walking out of his office he looked over at Olivia "uhh, can I talk to you?"

She could tell that there was something wrong, not because his face was stained with tears or that he could barley talk, but because she felt it. "Yea sure" she got up from her desk and followed Cragen looking at Munch and Fin on the way.

He shut the door and turned to look at her "I wish there was a better way to tell you this" he closed his eyes and dropped his head "I got a call before you came back from lunch, there was an accident" he took a step towards her.

"no" she said it with no more then a whisper "it can't be. I was jus-" and that's when she broke, but she didn't cry she just fell into his arms and he was there to catch her. "How dad? I mean we were just together"

he opened his mouth to say something but found that he was at a loss for words.

She ran out the door not knowing where she was going but eventually ending up just sitting in her car. She took off her wedding band and looked at it. On the inside it read Carpe Diem "Seize the day" she put her head back and closed her eyes "Why, it's never enough is it" she started the car and rolled the window down letting the cold winter air hit roughly against her face. She still couldn't bring herself to cry, it's not that she wasn't feeling the pain, it was more that it hadn't really hit her yet.

2 days later

Olivia found herself sitting with the guys from the squad along with Casey. They were sitting in the first row usually made for immediate family, and as the ceremony went on she found her mind wondering. Turning her head just a little bit and looking down the row of people she thought to herself "this is real" she squeezed Cragen's hand, today he wasn't her boss, today he was her father.

As her mind focused back to what was happening she heard the song. It was no more then a day ago that she was approached by Eliot asking what song she wanted played at the service and as the memory of that day came and went she could here the words of the song playing softly, she knew it was a cliche song but it's what was wanted.

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories _

Remember all the good times that we had  
We let them slip away from us when things got bad  
Clearly I first saw you, smiling in the sun  
I want to feel your warmth upon me, I want to be the one

I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired, I can't sleep  
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep  
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word  
We are screaming inside, we can't be heard

I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose  
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless nightGave me everything he had, oh he gave me life

And I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories

I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories  
Weep not for the memories

As everyone was standing outside watching as they put what was left of the person she loved to rest, she found her eyes wondering not being able to look at what was talking place in front of her. She noticed a black Mercedes Benz sitting towards her rightand a man leaning on the side of it, but what really got her attention was what she saw behind the tree.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and forced herself to turn around "you okay Liv?" all she could do was nod not trusting her voice. She saw Eliot walking away along with the others who attended the service. She looked back to the tree and saw the person walking back towards the car "hey, wait" before she could say more the person had gotten into the car and was getting ready to drive off. As the car started and it went along the path, the person in the back seat rolled down the window and nodded taking off the cowboy hat that they were warring.

Olivia said to herself "oh my god that's..."

**A/N haha cliffhanger but tell ya what, if you review and tell me if I should do another chapter we'll see if we can make this into something good! **


	2. Invisible

**Disclaimer: still waiting on the ok**

**A/N ok, I got some reviews telling me that you didn't understand the first part of the story and I hope I did better explaining everything in this chapter but in order for me to make it better you have to tell me what you didn't understand and what you didn't about it like. **

"...Abbie" she closed her eyes wondering if she was seeing things. When she opened her eyes the car was gone, she turned her head and looked at the grave that was being filed with who she thought was Abbie. She started walking back towards the rest of the group.

Don was the first one to notice Olivia walking up "Hey, were gunna get going" Olivia looked up at him and nodded, the face in the back of the car was still flashing in her mind. "If you need anything we'll be at the station" he lightly pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head.

She turned to face the group "thanks for coming, it uh, it really means a lot" she gave a fake but sincere smile as they all started to walk by her and on to there cars.

That night Olivia didn't really want to go back to the apartment and since the event for the afternoon was still nagging at her she felt she had to get it straitened out. She made a phone call "meet me in central park in fifteen minutes" she put her head back against the car seat and let out a deep breath.

"Your late Agent Hammond" Olivia said as the older man stepped out of the black Suburban

"Ms. Bens-"

before he could finish she cut him off

"It's Detective Benson, and I'm not here for you excuses" she narrowed her eyes in an effort to keep her anger at bay.

He looked at her face knowing that this was one fight he wasn't going to win "ok, well I'm missing the beginning of the Jets game for this so make it good " he rolled his eyes.

"Ok I'll cut to the point, where is she?" she looked at him dead in the eye not once even blinking.

"I'm sorry who?" he looked at her as if she was speaking another language

"Don't play with me dammit" she griped her gun

" you wouldn't dare" and within a blink of an eye her gun was out with her finger on the trigger

"Don't try me agent because your not going to like the outcome" she took a step closer "now I'm going to ask you again, where.is.my.wife" you could here her anger with each word

he tilted his head up towards the sky "I can't believe I'm missing kick off for this" he closed his eyes and when he opened them he looked her straight in the eyes

"You sonofabitch" she lifted up her knee and shoved it into his crotch "I've got one strike and two to burn and if I were you the last thing on my mind would be some football game" she put down her foot and took a step back

he hissed in pain and let his hands fall to his crotch and he said in a strand voice "what makes you think I have your wife?" he crossed his legs

"Calm down I'm not going to knee you again" she put her gun back in the holster and leaned against her car " I saw her" she closed her eyes "she was standing by a tree at the graveyard" she opened her eyes again

"How do you know it was her" he crossed his arms over his chest

she looked him in the eyes "I can just feel it" she pushed herself off the car "just tell me I'm not crazy and I wasn't seeing things" she took a step closer "tell me that she's ok"

he put his head down "she's fine"

Olivia let out a deep breath "I wanna see her"

he looked at her "no, I can't allow you to mess this up"

she narrowed her eyes "why'd you put her in WPP? I mean she was fine, what happened?"

He looked at his watch "she called me about two weeks ago and told me that the guy who raped her before was after he again. She knew that if we put her in WPP there was a chance that she would come back"

"Why didn't she tell me" it wasn't really a question more then it was a statement

"She couldn't risk it"

"I understand" she opened her car door and before she got in she picked up her foot and kicked him in the crotch again "that's for pissing me off" she got in her car and drove off leaving Agent Hammond behind

he put his hand on his crotch "Why do they always go for James and the giant peaches" he go into his car and dove off

SIX MONTHS LATER

A pregnant lady with a pair of jeans on with a hoddie and a cowboy hat covering her dark long hair and eyes entered the squad room

"Pardon me, I'm looking for an Olivia Benson" the woman said in a husky voice

**A/N ok that it for now. Tell me if you like it and if not then tell me what I need to work on!**


	3. Leni

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Olivia knew that voice anywhere but decided to play along. While still focusing on her paperwork she replied "yes I'm she, how can I help you?"

The younger woman leaned against the detective's desk and looked at Fin, Munch, and Elliot "boy's" getting all of the mens attention, she took off her hat and ruffled her hair.

"HOLY SHIT" both Fin and Elliot said in unison.

Olivia rolled her chair out from under her desk and looked at the men "ey, watch your mouth around my wife" getting up and walking towards the door, she said over her shoulder "I'm going out to lunch" turning around she said "your more then welcome to come with me Abbigail" and with that she continued to walk out the door.

Taking that as her cue she got up and followed the older woman tipping her hat at the men in the squad room on her way out.

**IN THE CAR**

"How'd you find out" Abbie was looking at the detective.

"What do you mean?" Olivia knew that Abbie could see right through her.

"Leni" it was Liv's real first name and she only let Abbie use it.

Olivia pulled over. After putting the car in park she looked at Abbie "I saw you that day" tears were forming in her eyes against her will "and so I approached Hammond about it and he told me what happened" she faced forward again not wanting Abbie to see her cry.

Abbie put her hand over her stomach "I'm sorry, I thought it was best if I didn't tell you what was going on" after saying all that the younger woman regretted it.

Olivia tried her best not to let her voice get to loud but at the same time it was deep and full of pain "you thought it was best" the last part came out a whisper "I'm your wife Abigail, if you were in trouble or needed help I would expect that you would come to me" she let a tear fall.

"Don't.you.dare blame this on me" she knew that she shouldn't get to stressed out because of the baby "I had to make the biggest choice of my life and that was to either be killed or go into WPP in hopes that I would one day be back with you. So don't think for one minute that I did this to hurt you." she wiped away her tears making way for new ones. She took Olivia's hand in her's "I love you and I wouldn't have done any of this if I didn't have a good reason"

"I understand" Olivia knew that everything Abbie had just said was true "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blow up at you" she put her head down.

"Don't be sorry, you had every right to be mad" she put her hand under Liv's chin "hey, look at me" she waited for the older woman to do what was ask "I love you" they both kissed.

Liv pulled away from the kiss "your pregnant" she had the look of confusion on her face.

Abbie smiled "yep nothing gets past you, I'm six almost seven months along" she slowly rubbed circles over her belly.

Liv pushed her back against the door of the car "I see how it is" she wasn't going to bother whipping the tears that were falling from her eyes "you sleep with someone else and then come and tell me that you love me expecting for me to take you back." she was way beyond angry now.

Abbie ran her toung over her top teeth "you really think that low of me" she put her hand over her mouth to control her sobs. Finally being able to talk "I was gunna tell you before I left but everything was happened so fast"

Olivia looked Abbie in the eyes "I don't understand"

"The in vitro worked" she smiled "this is our baby" she said putting Olivia's hand on her belly.

"Wow" she gave Abbie a smile through her tears "I'm so, so sorry. Everything is going so fast and it's a lot to take in and there's no way to justify what I said"

"I forgive you but under one condition" she squeezed Liv's hand

"Anything"

"We go to lunch cause I'm starving" she said with a little laugh

"Of corse we can" she put the red Mustang in drive and took off to the closes diner.

**LATER THAT NIGHT**

"What's the sex of the baby?" Liv had been hounding Abbie to tell her everything about her and the pregnancy.

"It's a girl" Abbie said as she laid in _her_ bed with _her_ wife.

"you can't possibly be almost seven months, you look more like five months" Liv said while rubbing her wife's belly.

"My doctor said it was normal, and that the baby is fine" Abbie was drifting in and out of sleep "we have to get a new car, I don't think we can fit a car seat in the Mustang" she said smiling a little.

"I know, there's a lot we need to do Bu-" before she could finish she heard the faint sounds of her wife snoring "goodnight baby" she kissed the top of her head.

**THE NEXT DAY**

Abbie woke up to a empty bed. She looked around hoping she'd see her wife somewhere in the room "Liv" she waited but no answer "Leni" and then she saw the note.

Abbie.

There lyes a little surprise outside

-Liv

she smiled and put on a pair of sweat pants and a old dress shirt and walked down the stairs and out the door "Liv baby, you out here?" she said out loud. Then she herd the garage door open and out came a black Range Rover.

Liv got out of the car and went over to her wife "you like it?" she asked going around the back of Abbie and wrapping her arms around her belly.

"How did you get this so fast?" she said turning around and looking at the older woman.

"Well, this morning while you were sleeping I made a few calls and told the man at the dealership what I needed and what I wanted and here it is." she kissed the younger woman softly "come here I wanna show you something" she took Abbie's hand and walked her over to the car and opened the back door "I asked them to put a camera back here for when the baby comes and we can see her while were driving."

All Abbie could do was smile. She was speechless. "All I can say is, thank you and I love you so much for doing all of this."

**A/N ok so next chapter there's going to be some drama and surprises!**


	4. Bend and Break

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea

**A/N: this chapter is by far the longest one I have ever made and I know it might not be that good but I did my best!**

Olivia was in the nursery painting while Abbie took a nap. They still had one more month to go before Abbie's due date and Olivia was determined to have the house baby proof.

The phone started ringing. Looking at the caller ID, Liv saw that it was Abbie's mother "hello Mrs. Carmichael" she said in a mocking voice. It was clear that she wasn't liked by this woman.

In a cold voice, the lady on the other end spoke "hello Olivia, is my daughter there?" Abbie's mother hated that she didn't grow up and marry some big time lawyer or something of the sort.

Olivia rolled her eyes, something else she had picked up from her wife "she's sleeping right now, but I'll tell her you called" she hung up the phone before the older woman could reply.

Liv walked into the bedroom seeing Abbie rubbing her eyes. She climbed in the bed "hey sleepyhead" she kissed her.

"Hey" she said through a yawn "who was that on the phone?" she was shivering.

Liv stretched down to the end of the bed and pulled up the extra blanket "your mother" she felt Abbie move closer to her "sweetie, the thermostat is up to eighty. You feeling ok?" she rubbed her hands up and down the woman's body trying to warm her up.

"Yea I'm fine baby" the truth was, she wasn't feeling well but didn't want to overreact "trust me, I'm fine"

she put her hand over the other woman's stomach "ok" she kissed the top of Abbie's head "I'm gunna go back to painting, if you need me just yell" she said with a smile.

Abbie rolled her eyes "sure" she picked up the phone "oh and Liv sweetie, don't forget we have a doctor's appointment today" she waited for the woman to leave and then started dialing an all to familiar number.

"Hello, Carmichael residents" the woman said.

Abbie thought about hanging up.

"Abigail is that you?"

She let out the breath she was holding "yes mother"

"You know Abigail I hope you don't make it a habit of calling people and not talking"

she just closed her eyes "what can I do you for mother?" she smiled hearing her southern accent.

"Do you remember Carolyn's son Andrew?"

Abbie's eyes got wide "how can I forget the man who raped me" it wasn't a question more then it was a statement.

"I see your still keeping up with that god awful lie Abigail"

she could feel her face getting red "that lie? Mother that "lie" is the truth" she felt a pain go through her stomach but pushed it aside "I know it might be hard for you to understand that I'm not who you want me to be, but Don't. You. Dare insinuate that for one minute I would lie about something such as that. And even if it was a lie, I work with people who have been raped almost everyday and I would never insult them like that" she let go of the grip she had on the sheets.

"Calm down Abigail. All I'm saying is, you got what you asked for. You need to stop blaming others for your problems"

Abbie hung up the phone with such force till the face plate snapped off. Olivia came running through the door "hey, what happened?" she went over to the woman and wrapped her in a hug "talk to me baby. What happened?" the young woman just sobbed.

After Abbie regained her strength she let go of Olivia "my mother" nothing else really needed to be said " we have to go or we're going to be late" she hoped the change of subject went unnoticed.

"Yea ok" they both got dressed and headed for the car. She put her hand on Abbie's belly "I was thinking of the name Caely" she looked at her partner for a quick second.

You could tell that Abbie was out of it "yea, I like that" that was the only thing she said during the car ride.

They were waiting in the doctors office. Olivia couldn't help but look at her lover sitting on the table. She looked...

Before she could finish her thought the doctor came in. "Good afternoon Abigail" the doctor looked at the file in her hand "so, lets take a peak at the baby" she turned the computer on and got the gel from the cabinet. She squeezed some gel on Abbie stomach "have you felt and discomfort or pain?"

She shook her head no "no, everything's good" she was lying. She held Olivia's hand and locked eyes with her.

"Good" she looked at the screen. After a couple of minutes she turned to Abbie and asked "when was the last time you felt the baby move?" she tried her best to not look so concerned.

"Umm, yesterday morning" she held a tight grip on Olivia's hand "why, what's wrong with my baby?" she said with her voice horse.

The doctor put her hand on Abbie's shoulder "sometime's the way the baby is positioned you can't really hear the heartbeat. But I'm gunna try something" she walked over to the cabinet again and pulled something out "I'm gunna try and get her to turn a different way"

"How are you gunna do that?" it was the first time Olivia had said anything since the doctor came in.

"I'm gunna use this tool and it's gunna make a buzzing sound" she looked at the screen "ok here we go" she pressed the button and the only sound in the room was the faint buzzing.

There was no movement on the screen. Tears were streaming down both Abbie and Olivia's face "I'm gunna try one more time" this time was no different then the last. Dr. Jordan tilted her head up just a little bit, trying to find the words to tell the to couple in front of her that there baby had died. "I um, I can't express how sorry I am"

"Nu, nu, nu, no" Abbie was shaking her head as she sat up "she's just sleeping, or maybe she just being stubborn" she felt Olivia stand up and wrapped her arms around her but she quickly got up and moved away "no, don't touch me" she dropped to the floor in sobs.

As Olivia made her way over towards Abbie, Dr. Jordan excused herself and told them that they could take all the time they needed.

When Olivia got over to Abbie she wrapped her arms around her again, but this time when the younger woman fought with her she refused to let her win. Soon all Abbie could do was sob in Olivia's arms.

Olivia kept whispering comforting words in her lovers ear. Deep inside she knew that no matter what she said, nothing was going to bring back their daughter.

It had been a little over an hour when Dr. Jordan had come back into the room. She went over to the couple and squatted next to Abbie "I know this is hard" she paused for a minute "but in order to keep you safe we need to get the baby out" she waited for some kind of answer.

Abbie looked up at her "ok" her voice was so thin and lifeless.

She looked into Abbie's eyes "ok, well you have two choices. We can induce you and you can deliver vaginally or you can have a c-section" the wait for a response didn't take long.

Abbie cleared her throat "I wanna do it vaginally"

"You sure?" Dr. Jordan asked softly

"Positive"

Olivia looked at Abbie and then met eyes with Dr. Jordan and nodded.

"Ok, I'll go get the room ready" she said standing up and walking towards the door.

As Abbie broke into sobs again Olivia whispered in her ear "I love you" and let herself cry along with her wife.

It was getting close to twelve and Abbie had been pushing for almost thirty minutes "I can't do this anymore, it hurts to much" she cried out.

Olivia bent down and kissed the top of Abbie's head "you can do it baby, just one more push" she picked up the pillow behind the woman's back and pushed it foreword "push Abbie" she counted to ten.

"Ahhh" she yelled out in pain.

"Good Abigail. She's here" as Dr. Jordan cleaned off the baby she asked "do you wanna see her?"

Abbie stared at the ceiling "no" her voice was lifeless and her eyes showed not emotion.

"Ok" she wasn't going to push Abbie any further "Olivia, do want to cut the cored?"

She looked at her lover on the bed and then at the doctor "sure" she waited for Dr. Jordan to hand her the scissors.

"Ok Olivia you can cut right there" she pointed to a spot between to clamps "great, thank you" she handed the baby over to a nurse.

Olivia walked back up to Abbie and whispered in her ear "I love you. You did great" she kissed the crown of her head and just sat there looking at her.

It had been almost two days and Abbie had barley said a word. Olivia hadn't left her side until now. She had went to sign some papers for Abbie's release "Abigail Benson" she told the nurse. When the nurse came back she handed Olivia a bunch of papers and told her to fill them out.

As she was walking back to the room she herd someone calling her name "Olivia"

As soon as she turned around she wished she didn't "what do you want Mrs. Carmichael?" she rolled her neck around trying to get rid of the never ending tension.

"I want to see my daughter" she looked at the taller woman "now if you'll excuse me I'll be on my way" she moved to the side to get past Olivia but she cut off my the other woman shadowing her move "what do you think your doing" the older lady asked.

Olivia was in no mode to argue but in this case she couldn't help herself "I'm protecting my wife" she made sure that her voice was low enough so that only her and the older woman could here "there is no way I'm letting you go in that room" she started to walk away.

"I love my daughter and you can't keep me from seeing her" the older woman called after Olivia.

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. She stood there for a minute and then preceded to walk towards the older woman "love?" she leaned a little closer to the other woman "love is trusting your own daughter when she told you she was raped. Love is going to your daughters commitment ceremony even if she didn't marry the person you picked out for her. Love" she paused for a moment to control her rising voice "love is something you know nothing about" she looked at the other woman with complete anger.

"I love my daughter more then you will ever know, and I would never do anything if I knew it wasn't for her own good" the words barely left the older woman's mouth before Olivia jumped in.

"That's lie number two, you wanna got for the trifecta?" she looked pass the woman in front of her and saw the guys from the squad coming off the elevator "you are a cold hearted bitch and if you don't leave right now I'll have you arrested for harassment, and trust me when I say you will NEVER see my wife ever again" she turned and walked back towards Abbie's room.

**A/N: ok, so I'm not going to pressure you to review but it will make me feel good!**


	5. Cope

**Disclaimer:** why is it that we always want what we can't have? ok, so while your thing about that I'll just tell you that I don't own anyone or the song.

**Song:** (Everything I Do) I Do It For You

**A/N: **ok, so I just got back from a trip around the U.K and if any of you have been watching T.V you'll know that coming back to the U.S isn't easy!but I'm here now although I'm going away yet again. Anyhoo here's the story ENJOY ;)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Abigail" _answer me please _"okay. Let me know when you want to talk" _I need you. I need to talk to you. I need to tell you how much **I'm** hurting. I **need **to know that you still love me. _"I love you Abbie" a tear dropped from Olivia's eyes as she closed the door to there bedroom.

Olivia knew that Abbie was hurting and she wanted nothing but to take the hurt away. She got up and went over to the bar in the corner of the living room and poured herself a glass of vodka. _What are you doing. You don't drink _vodka. "Yea, well tonight I need something strong" she whispered to herself. She stood by the window and leaned her head against it and cried. She thought she felt someone behind her, but when she turned around and looked into the darkness of the room she saw nothing "I gotta get out of here" she grabbed the sweatshirt off the hook by the door and made her way down to the car.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

As Olivia walked into the church she felt a wave of guilt rush over her. _You can do this, it's not you fault that you never really went to church. _As she stepped into the small booth she let out a breath that she wasn't aware she was holding.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned" she drew in a deep breath "it has been over eighteen years since I have even stepped foot into a church"

"I'm sure you had you reasons"

"I can't do this" she stood up and ran out of the booth. She sat in her car conti plating going home. In the end she decided to go to a twenty-four hour Starbucks.

"Hey, what can I get started for you tonight" the woman behind the counter sounded as if she herself had one to many cups of coffee.

_It's waaaaay to late for her to be that perky! _"hey, I'll umm, I'll have a Venti coffee" _I hope I don't end up like her!_

"Sure thing ma'am" the girl smiled and rag Olivia up "that'll be two dollars even" the young lady waited for Olivia to give her the money "thank you and have a nice night" she smiled and shut the cash register with the lower half of her body.

As Olivia walked away she thought about putting sugar in her coffee _never mind the fact that you got a venti coffee, but now you want to put sugar in it _"I don't think so" she said as she made her way out the door.

It was half past four in the morning and Olivia had to pee. _I knew I shouldn't have went back for that second cup of coffee. _She parked the car and ran into the house. She was half way to the downstairs bathroom when she remembered that the toilet wouldn't stop flushing once it started. _God dammit. Okay Olivia we can do this all you have to do is run as fast as you can up the stairs. _She bolted for the stairs and skipped three at a time while undoing her pants. She could here the shower going. She looked up. _I know I've done some bad things in my life and I regret most of them but this god, this is by far one of the coldest things you've done to me._ She grabbed onto the doorknob and prayed that it was unlocked. She twisted it and found that it went all the way. _Thank you. _She rushed in to the bathroom and fell onto the toilet. _Ahhh._ She flushed and cursed herself "sorry baby I forgot you were in there" when she didn't get a response she pushed open the glass door " oh god, Abigail" she fell to her knees and picked the younger woman from off the floor of the bathtub "your so cold" she reached for both towels on the rack " I gotta get you into the bedroom" she lifted Abbie up expecting to have a hard time but found that it wasn't that hard.

"I'm fine, I just got a little lightheaded" it was no more then a whisper.

Olivia put Abbie down by the fireplace and went to get the blankets off the bed "you wanna tell me why your lying to me" she sat behind the younger woman and wrapped the blankets around her.

"I really don't want to talk about it right now" she hoped that the other woman would drop the subject.

"Okay" she felt a tear run down her face. _Not now Olivia, now is Abbie's time, now you have to be strong for her. _When she went to wipe her tears away she heard a sniffle "its okay, just cry babe" she whispered in the other woman's ear.

"It's all my fault" she closed her eyes and sobbed.

Olivia picked up her head "no it's not. You couldn't have known what was going to happen"

"I'm her mother, I should have done something. It hurt so much and I didn't do anything" she put her hand over her mouth.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Olivia's right eyebrow was raised "Abigail" she said the name quietly but with enough force.

"My mother" she took a deep breath "the pain started when I was talking to her" she rolled her tung over her top teeth "I wasn't feeling well the day before but I made nothing of it. But when I was talking to my mother, she just, she made me so mad" by now Abbie was all the way in the corner with her knees up to her chest so that she was hugging herself "if I could I would go back and change everything, but I can't. Please don't be mad at me" she let out a sob.

Olivia just sat there. She had never seen the younger woman this way. _Abbie would never do something like this on purpose. You gotta trust her Liv, you gotta trust that she didn't know. _She made her way over to the other woman "shh, it's okay I'm not mad at you" she pulled the woman into a hug and rocked back and forth "I love you and I will never ever blame you for this" she tilted her head back trying to keep her tears from falling.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

After awhile they both fell asleep. When Olivia woke up she could feel every bone in her body yelling at her to get up. She stood up and then bent down to pick the other woman up. She walk over and placed Abbie in the bed and then got in to.

"The radio"

Olivia smiled "okay" ever since they first moved in with each other they both found that they liked having the radio on when they slept. As she sunk back into the bed, an all to familiar song came on. She pulled her lover close and sang along.

**Look into my eyes  
You will see, what you mean to me  
Search your heart, search your soul  
When you find me then, you'll search no more **

Don't tell me its not worth trying for  
You cant tell me its not worth dying for  
You know its true, everything I do, I do it for you

Look into your heart, you will find  
There is nothing there to hide  
Take me as I am, take my life  
I would give it all, I would sacrifice

Don't tell me its not worth fighting for  
I cant help it, there's nothing I want more  
You know its true, everything I do, I do it for you

There is no love, like your love  
And no other, could give me more love  
There's nowhere, unless you're there  
All the time, all the way  
You cant tell me its not worth trying for  
Just cant help it, there's nothing in the world i want more  
I would fight for you, yeah I'd lie for you  
Walk the wire for you, yeah I'd die for you

You know its true  
Everything I do, I do it for you

When the song was over all Olivia could do was cry. She got up and walked down the stairs. _Don't drink Olivia, it's not going to take the pain away. You gotta talk to her, tell her what your feeling. _She walked out to the car and got in. She started it up and pushed the cigaret lighter in and waited for the light to come on. When she felt that it was hot enough, she rolled up her sleeve and let her fingers fall upon the other marks. _Don't do it Olivia, you've come this far. _"Shut up" she took the lighter out and pressed it into her skin. She rolled her eyes into the back of her head. She picked up the lighter again and placed it on another spot on her arm. She continued to burn herself on her arm and her thy.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

When Abbie woke up, she felt the part of the bed next to her "Liv" she waited for a response. When she got nothing, she decided to go look for her. _Good lord it's cold in here. _When she walked down the steps, she saw the garage door open. _No wonder it's cold._ She rolled her eyes and called into the air "Liv you gotta stop leaving the door open at night" she went to go close it and that's when she saw someone in the driver's seat of there Range Rover "Liv sweetie, is that you?" she slowly walked over to the car "this isn't funny Liv" when she got to the drivers side, she was shocked at what she saw "Leni..."

**A/N: **ok so I'm going to leave it there and maybe I'll update while I'm away. But I'll only do it if you review.


	6. Banini

**A/N: **ok so I'm back from vacation and might I say it was a hard one at that! I got stung by 3 jellyfish and then I went to this go-kart place and burned my leg on the motor but on top of all that it turned out to be one of the best vacations ever because my parents adopted a little boy and all he does is follow me around all day and I have to say he is about the best thing to happen to me in a vary, vary long time!

Oh and I have to say: **CONGRATULATIONS TO MARISKA** **ON HER EMMY WIN** and I really think Chris was robbed!

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"She's a beauty ain't she?" The short nurse asked.

Abbie jumped and turned her attention away from the glass window "uh yea" was all she could say until she caught her breath.

The nurse smiled "I didn't mean to startle you" she looked towards the window again "do you want to hold her?" she stated walking to the door of the nursery.

She followed the younger woman "uhh, I don't know. I mean what about her parents, they probably don't want someone they don't know holding there baby" she was staring down at the little girl wrapped in a pink blanket.

"She doesn't have any parents" it was no more then a whisper "they came in last night. They were both in this really bad car crash" she paused remembering the scene "you could tell that the father wasn't going to make it. And uhh. And the mother looked like she was going to pull through but after she gave birth...it just umm, it just all went down hill and she died about an hour later" she looked at the older woman "so, you still wanna hold her?" she waited.

"Sure" Abbie picked the little girl up and swayed lightly "what's her name?" she curled up her pinky and let the baby use it as a pacifier.

"The mother fell out of conciseness before she was able to name her" the nurse handed Abbie a bottle and ushered her over to the rocking chair.

"Does she have any family?" she slipped her finger out and put the nipple of the bottle in "I mean is there someone who can take her home?"

"Careful, remember tunge under the nipple" she got a cloth "we looked, there's nothing and I'm trying to find a good foster home but so far I've got nothing"

"Well, how long can she stay here?" Abbie asked putting the baby back in the crib.

"I don't kn-" she was stopped by a little boy by her side " hey Benjamin, can you say hi to my friend" she knew the boy was shy and didn't think he would do it.

"Hi" the little boy waved and surprised both women when he reached for Abbie.

"Hey buddy" she took the boy from the nurses arms. She looked at the boy and in return the boy looked right back at her "how old are you?" she asked as she walked over to the rocking chair.

"I'm free" the little boy held up three of his fingers "hey wady, you neverd tolded me yourd name" he said with his arms crossed and his lips poked out.

The older woman couldn't help but laugh at the boy in front of her "my friends call me Abbie. What's your name?" she asked the boy.

"My frwends call me Banini" he said "You wanna know someding?"

"Sure"

"You wouke a watt like my mommy"

Abbie was taken back by the confession the little boy had just made.

The little boy started playing with Abbie's wedding ring "why are you here, ard you sick?" he just sat there and waited for an answer.

"Umm, well my, umm" she looked at the nurse for help but found her to be nowhere in sight "umm, well I'm here with my wife and she's not feeling well and so the doctors are going to help her" she took in a deep breath hopping that the little boy didn't push her to explain.

"Oh, okay" the little boy slipped out of Abbie's lap and walked over to the baby in the crib "dats my sistewr" the boy took Abbie's hand "we don't gots no mommy or daddy" a tear slipped out of is eye and he stood there in shock as if it just hit him that his parents were gone.

Abbie picked up on the connection and felt her heart drop "hey buddy. I know it's hard but it's going to be ok" she felt the boy run past her "Banini" she saw the boy run to the other side of the room and into a bed "buddy can I come sit with you" she waited for an answer.

"No" it was plain and simple.

"Ok, well if you want to talk just ask the nurse" she waited for any sign that he herd her, but got nothing. She walked out the door and down the hall to her wife's room. When she walked into the room she saw the lady starting to stir so she just stood there and waited for her to wake.

_God Olivia you really fucked up this time. _When Olivia woke up she didn't realize that Abbie was there "nice, you landed yourself in the hospital" she tried to pull the IV out of her arm.

"Leave. It. Alone" the voice was think and full of anger and so many more emotions.

Olivia's eyes shot up to look towards the spot where the voice was coming from "go away Abigail" she threw her head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling.

"Shut Up" Abbie walked towards the window "is there a reason I had to see you sitting in the car with burns and cuts all over you?" before Olivia could say anything the younger woman stopped her "you wanna tell my what possessed you to do that? I understand that were both going through a hard time, but what you did was the most selfish thing I can think of. I know that your hurting and I wish I could take it all away, but I can't! I'm hurting just as much as you if not more. So, if you want to kill yourself be my guest, but I hope you know that your leaving a shit load of people who love you behind" she waited for the other woman to say something.

"You are such a hypocrite" she shot up in her own defense "you think I don't see the way your losing weight and how your hair is falling out or how you don't even let me touch you anymore. And how you go around and act like nothings wrong. Well I can't do that Abigail, I can't act like I didn't just lose my daughter, I can't act like I'm not in pain, I can't act like you" the last part was no more then a whisper. "Look, I'm sorry if I handle my pain differently and maybe I should have talked to someone, but I did what I knew was going to help me at the time" she shifted her body so that she wasn't looking at the other woman anymore.

Abbie walked over to the bed and climbed in and putting her arms around the older lady "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry" she took in a breath "I guess I kinda forgot that you lost a daughter to and for that I am so, so very sorry" she started to cry.

Olivia felt the warm tears running down her back through her open gown "don't be sorry" she turned onto her back and pulled the younger woman close "maybe we should get out of the city for a while and maybe see the marriage counselor" she took in a deep breath hoping the other woman wouldn't put up so much of a protest.

"Ok, I think we really need it. I think we both tried to get back to work and on with our lives and it was really all to fast" she smiled a little when she felt Olivia exhale.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

"I met this little boy, his name is Banini and his parents died a couple of nights ago. You gotta meet him Leni, I feel in love with him and his sister is the cutest thing" the doctor had told them that Olivia would have to stay in the hospital for at least another week for observation.

"Is that where you go everyday?"Olivia asked with curiosity.

"Yep, he's having a hard time and I want to help him and his sister" she paused for a minute "I think I wanna adopt them" she closed her eyes not wanting to see the reaction.

"You WHAT?" Olivia yelled.

Abbie took in a sharp breath "lower your voice" she walked towards the bed "I know your thinking that the only reason that I want to do this is so that I wont have to deal with the dea- de, the loss of our child but that's not true I still want to go to counseling with you but I feel like I need to do this. Leni the other day when I was talking to Banini, he told me that I looked just like his mother and right then I knew he was meant for us"

"Abigail, this isn't like buying a pair of pants, you can't just return them if you end up not liking them. I haven't even seen these kids and they barley know us" she saw the tears running down the other woman's face "sweetie don't cry"

Abbie shuck her head "no your right everything's moving to fast and we're just not ready" she got up and started to head for the door.

"Abbie wait, I...I mean we...I'm...I think..."

**A/N:** haha cliffy but please review!


	7. Time for a Change

**Disclaimer:** only Banini and Maddison are mine.

**A/N:** I might be jumping around a lot so if you don't understand just let me know.

"...I think...um, I think if you give me time then maybe we can figure something out" she didn't know what else to say. She wanted time. She _needed_ time.

Abbie just stood at the door "these kids don't have time" she dropped her head and tried to control her rising voice "I can't guarantee that there gunna be here when _your _ready" and with that she walked out the door leaving a very confused and frustrated Olivia laying there.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Abbie walked into the nursery "Hey buddy" she smiled at the little boy running towards her trying to hide her tears but failed.

"Your crying" the boy said matter of factly "wass wrong?" he grabbed her face with his small hands and pulled her head against his.

Not wanting to fill the little's boys head with her problems she started giving him eskimo kisses "Hey, isn't it past your bed time" she picked him up and carried him over to his bed.

"No, no, no" Banini started kicking his legs "I don wanna" he started to sob into the crack of Abbie's neck "pwese" hiccup "don" hiccup "make me" he grabed onto Abbie shirt like his life depended on it.

Abbie winced at the pain she was feeling. Her breast were still tender and having the little boy so close and so tight made them throb in pain. They wrapped a bandage around her to stop the discharge but that didn't stop the pain. "Ok, ok I hear you buddy" she walked over to the nurse and told her that they were going out for there nightly walk around the hospital.

Banini pushed his head off Abbie and looked her in the eyes "I want my mommy" he dug his fingers into the woman's shoulder "pwese bwing her back" he started to shake Abbie back and forth.

She pulled the little boy close and felt another sharp pain but pushed it aside "I know you miss her and I wish I could bring her back, but I can't Benjamin" she felt tears gliding down her face. She started to slowly sway with the music coming from the radio at the nurses station. She felt the little boy start to clam down "hey, I brought some animal cookies with me today and I was thinking that we can go upstairs and get some hot chocolate and maybe we can share it with Olivia" she whispered so that only the little boy could hear her.

Benjamin had herd a lot about Olivia and asked if he could see her one day. He picked up his head and whipped his eyes and tried to catch his breath "really?" his voice was barley audible.

"Really" she nodded her head "so whatcha say?" she asked brushing the boys long sandy blonde hair out of his face.

He put his head back down facing the opposite way of Abbie's face "ok" it was just a whisper.

"Ok" she echoed and started walking towards the elevator.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Slow buddy" Abbie told the little boy "no running" _it's amazing what happens when you give a sugar to a kid _she smiled and walked over to where the boy was standing "you ready little man?" she bent down in front of him "cause we can do this another time"

"Hakuna Matata" Banini said it like he really meant it.

Abbie thought about what the little boy had just said and then rolled her eyes "it means no worry's" she smiled _is he really quoting the Lion King. _"Ok darlin, let's do it" her southern accent had decided to make it self known.

Banini hid behind Abbie and waited for her to open the door .

"Leni" Abbie called into the room "you up for a midnight snack?" she waited for the other woman to answer.

Olivia smiled "Sure" she sat up and waved for Abbie to come in.

Abbie looked behind her "We can go in" she could tell he was scared "hey, remember what I said?" she didn't think the boy would remember.

He recited "I am Benjamin, an...an...I fow get" he looked at Abbie for help.

"And you can do anything" she put the hot cup from her and on the floor and tapped her finger over the little boys chest "if you put your heart to it" she smiled and picked the cup up.

"Okay" he nodded his head "I'm ready" he grabbed onto the side of her pants and followed her into the room.

Abbie placed the two cups she had in her hand on the table and did the same with the one Banini had. A smile came over her face when she saw the cards on the table _Don must have been here._ She picked the little boy up "Leni this is Benjamin" both women locked eyes for a moment.

"Wait, I dowt you said herd name wass Owivia" the confused expression of his face was priceless.

"My real name is Leni, but everyone calls me Olivia or Liv only Abbie calls me Leni" it was the first time Olivia had said anything.

"Ohhh" the boy nodded his head up and down "well do you fink dat maybe I could" he paused for a moment. "Dat maybe" he was to afraid to ask.

Olivia picked up on the hesitation coming from the little boy "it's ok, you can ask me anything" but the little boy stayed quite "I have idea, maybe you can tell Abbie and she can tell me" she folded her legs in indian style so the other woman could sit.

The little boy thought it over for a moment "ok" he preceded to whisper in Abbie's ear while Olivia sat there eagerly waiting.

"Mmhmm, yea, mmhmm, I see, ok" Abbie smiled at Olivia and then winked. "Ok, so Mr. Benjamin would like to know if he can call you Leni" she looked at the boy for confirmation.

She nodded her head "well, tell your client that it's fine with me but under two condition" she held up two finger.

"An what might that be" the woman said in a husky voice.

"That I be able to call him Banini" she paused "and I can have some animal cookies" she winked at the little boy.

Abbie looked down at the little boy "whacha say?"

He rubbed his chin "ok!"

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Abbie tried to get out of the grasp the Olivia had her in "hey" she whispered "babe I gotta take Banini back to the nursery" she felt the grip loosen.

"I'll come with you" she picked the little boy up in her arms and looked back at the other woman "the doctor said I could walk around" she took her wife's hand in her's and walked towards the door.

When they got to the nursery Abbie showed Olivia Banini's sister "you know if we do this, if we adopt them our life is going to change. No more late nights at the office, no more going out to bars all the time, no more doing what we wanna do when we wanna do it" Olivia wanted to make it known that having two kids was a lot.

"I know Leni and I'm ready" she took the other woman's hands in hers "I wanna do this. I want _us _to do this"

Olivia looked down at the baby in the crib "she needs a name"

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Leni" the little boy ran towards the older woman standing across the room.

Olivia squatted and held her arms out to the boy "hey little man" it had been almost a month since she was admitted to the hospital and today she was leaving along with her son and daughter "Abbie's waiting in the car for us" she stood up with Banini in her arms "you sure you still want to do this"

"Jep"

"Ok, well go get your stuff while I get Maddison" she put him down and went over to the crib "hey short-cakes" she put the carseat on the table next to her and laid the little girl in it.

"Weddy"

"Ok, go say bye" she picked up the carseat and felt a small hand in hers.

"Awl done"

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"I neverd been onna pwane beforw"

"Do you like it?"

"Jep, I wove it"

Abbie smiled at her son. Both her and Olivia thought they needed a new start so they decided to quite there jobs and move down to Texas. They both found jobs in the same field and everything started to fall into place.

"I love you"

"I love you too Leni"

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Ok Banini witch do you want" Olivia held up two items "Thomas The Tank Engine or Jay, Jay The Jetplane?" she smiled at her son. They had moved everything in and now they we in the process of painting.

Banini turned and faced Abbie "mama do you fink I could maybe have bowf?" when he saw the look on Abbie's face he smiled a little "pwese"

"It's fine with me buddy but you gotta ask mommy" she pointed towards the older woman.

"Pwese mommy"

"I think I can make it work" she winked.

"What do you say Banini?"

"Dank you"

"Hey Banini sweetie, I was gunna go down to the stables and check on gracie do wanna come?"

The little boy whipped his head around "can we go fow a wide?"

"Sure"

"Ok!"

"Ok, go put your boots on and don't forget your hat" she watched the boy run over to his closet and retrieve what he needed "Leni I'm putting Maddi down in her basinet just keep an eye out"

"Yep"

"Weddy"

"Let's go"

"Have fun guys" Olivia yelled after them.

**A/N:** ok, that's it but I will give you a preview of next chapter. Oh and please review.

Next on: Do You Believe In Magic

"Time of death 12:01"

"No, no, no your lying. What are you doing keep working"

"I'm so sorry for your loss"


	8. Fish Attack

Disclaimer: I own nothing

"Honey what do you think about breast feeding?" Olivia asked as they were both getting into bed.

Abbie's head shot up "I uhh" she didn't know what to say.

"I wanna try it" she saw the look of confusion on her lovers face "when I took Maddi to the doctor the other day she asked if I had thought about it and at first I didn't want to do it but then she told me about how it would help her in the long run" she walked around to the other side of the bed where her lover stood "I told her I would have ask you and make sure it was ok"

She knew Olivia and Maddi were close just like her and Banini. Deep down she knew that it would help their daughter and she kinda liked the thought of her wife showing her feminine side.

"My doctor said that all she would have to do is prescribe hormones that imitate the hormone levels of pregnancy and then I would have to take another drug called a galactagogue" she took the others woman's hands in hers "it sounds like a lot but she said if I start now, by next I'll be able to breast feed although it will only be a few drops at first we still gotta keep her on the formula" her eyes were glistening with hope.

Abbie sat there thinking it all over. _Are you jealous Abigail? _She asked herself _no! _she looked up at her lover. _She already wants more kids and with her job you'll be the one carrying the child and that means you'll be breast feeding. _She locked eyes with the older woman "ok. Lets do it" a big smile crept over her face.

Olivia let out a deep breath "I was hoping you'd say that cause I started taking the hormone pills yesterday night"

Abbie wrapped her legs around her wife's hips and pulled her down to the bed "so does this mean you gunna be crying at all of the commercials on tv and stuff like that" she started tickling the older woman.

Olivia covered her mouth trying to keep her laughter at bay "I guess were gunna have to find out" she could feel her face turning red.

"Shhh Leni, your gunna wake the kids"

"Uncle" Olivia was gasping for air.

"Mama" they both turned there heads towards the monitor on the night stand. Ever since they made there midnight run to the ER with Banini barley breathing and finding out that the little boy had asthma, they had decided to put a baby monitor by his bed so that they could hear him while he was sleeping. The doctor told them that they had to pay extra attention to him while he was sleeping cause that's when he could easily have an attack.

Olivia put her hand up "Wait, he might just be calling out in his sleep"

"Mama" it was followed by a little sob.

Abbie quickly pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a tank top knowing the young boy like the skin to skin contact. She turned to the woman in the bed "can you put on some coffee and hot chocolate I have a feeling this is going to be a long night" and with that she made her way out into the hallway. She barley opened the door when she herd little foot steps coming towards the room. She flipped on the light that was right outside and took a step while closing the door behind her. "Come here baby" she squatted and held her arms out.

Banini ran down the hall and into his mothers arms "I don wanna go bawk" he dug hid fingers into his mothers shoulder "don make me go bawk"

Abbie slipped her hand under Banini's shirt and started rubbing his back "shhh...breath sweetie" _if he keeps this up we might be making another trip to the hospital_ she stood up and walked into the livingroom and sat in the recliner by the window "tell me baby boy, tell me what's wrong" when he didn't make an attempt to say anything she tried to think of what would help. _God, what is that song Leni always sings to him_ she gave up and pressed the remote for the stereo and Moonlight Sonata lapsed out of the speakers. She reclined the chair and let the little boys head rest on her chest "breath...in and out baby...slowly" when Banini didn't seem to be calming down she called for her lover "Leni can you come out here and bring the blanket" she kept whispering words into the child's hair.

Olivia grabbed the big blanket out of the closet in the hall and made her way to the livingroom. She crouched down by the occupied chair "hay, what's wrong" it was just a whisper.

"Can you take him for a minute and take his shirt and pants off" when she saw the confused look and her lover bout to protest she added "please and thank you" and with that she ran back into the bedroom and took off her pants and put on her shorts and then took off her shirt and put on the bra she wore out side when she was jogging. She ran back down the hall and seeing her son in just his pull-ups.

"Mama" Banini held is arms out to Abbie.

Abbie sat back in the chair and picked Banini up "ok buddy...shhh...breath" she felt him relax a little with the skin contact.

Olivia unfolded the blanket and cover her lover and son "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me"

"Tell me what's wrong baby" she moved his shoulder length hair out of his face.

"Pwese don make me tawk bout it"

"Only if you promise to calm down" when she didn't get an answer sh added "or you might get another fish attack and that means you wont be able to breath that good and then we have to use the machine" she felt the boy relax a lot more and all that could be herd was sniffles. "Mommy's making hot coco and if you ask her she might give you some animal cookies, whatcha say?"

"Ok"

"Alright lets go" she walked into the kitchen and put Banini in his high chair with the blanket around him.

Olivia gave the little boy a sippie cup with luke warm coco in it and put a bowl with a suction grip under it so that the boy wouldn't knock it off "there you go buddy" she walked over and turned on the tv that was on the island.

Abbie looked at her son _something's bothering him _she watched as the little boy took a sip of coco and then took his ring and middle finger and stuck it in his mouth _better start saving up for those braces. _

"I'm done mama"

"Ok baby" Abbie took off the tray and unstrapped Banini "let mommy put or cloths back on while I clean up"

Banini looked from one woman to the other and then said "can I sweep in yourw bed?"

"Well I was thinking that we could take the airo-bed out and you and I could sleep in the livingroom. How does that sound?"

"Ok"

"Ok" Abbie echoed.

After Olivia got the livingroom set up she went back in the kitchen "he's lying down watching Lion King for the umpteenth time" she wrapped her arms around her lover "you both are losing weight"

"I know ever since he had that asthma attack everything's been goin down hill"

"And what's your excuse?" it came out more harsher then expected "Abigail I'm sorry that came out wrong"

Abbie started walking back to the bed room "Banini me and mommy will be right back" she pointed her finger at the older woman "in the bedroom **now**!"

Olivia blew out a deep breath and followed her lover into the bedroom "listen Ab-"

"Take off your cloths"

"Pardon me?"

"Leni Olivia Serena Benson stop fucking around with me"

Olivia tried to go out the door but was stopped by a hand pulling her wrist "Abigail. Let. Go"

"Fine if you wont take them off I will" and with that she quickly straddled her lover one the bed and took off her pants and shirt.

"Why are you doing this?" she knew why.

She ignored the question "how many cuts did you have when you left the hospital? And I swear to god Leni if you lie your gunna wish you'd never met me"

"Twelve" it was barley a whisper.

Abbie rolled onto the bed "Stand up"

Olivia did as she was told.

Abbie started counting cuts and burns "these look fresh" she pointed to some burns on Olivia's thigh.

"There not"

"Ok" she licked her thumb and put it over the burn and pushed on it.

"Owww shit" Olivia hissed and slapped Abbie's arm away. "Stop it. I'm not your child I can take care of myself"

"Leni I thought we agreed that you would stop cutting and burning"

"And I thought we agreed that you would eat"

Just then the door opened "mama when are you gunna come to bed?"

Olivia tried to cover herself but was to late.

"Mommy what happened to your leg?"

Olivia turned and faced Abbie "I'll be in the nursery with Maddi" she grabbed her cloths and made her way down the hall"

Abbie picked the little boy up before he could ask anything else "lets go finish watching the movie"

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Banini slowly turned the doorknob to his parents room and walked on the balls of his feet. When he reached the bed he stood there trying to figure out a good way to wake his mother "mama" he whispered.

Abbie felt the boys presence the first minute it stepped into the room but decided to wait and see what was going to happen next.

Banini walked around to the other side of the bed and tried with all his might to climb onto the bed. Finally when he got on top he yelled "MAMA" and giggled.

Abbie shot up and put her hand to her chest she knew the boy was up to something but never thought it would be that. "Hey I see someone's feeling better"

"Jep"

"That's good" she lifted the boy off her and stood him on the floor "go get ready Alex will be here any minute" she watched the little boy run down the hall and into his room. Abbie went into the kitchen and found a note.

_Abbie,_

_Got called into work._

_Should be back by one._

_Call the cell if you need me._

_Love Leni_

_P.S Maddison was awake and keeping herself occupied but you might want to check on her just to make sure she's ok._

Just as she was putting the paper down the phone rang "Benson residence"

"Hey Abbie it's me Alex"

Alexandra Cabot was out of WPP and living in Texas. They told her that she was free to go back to New York, and she tried it for a half a year but then decided that it wasn't the same as before she left. She thought it would be nice to get away so she moved about eight miles away from the Benson's.

"Hey darlin"

"I was just calling to tell you that I'll be there in about five minutes"

"Ok"

"Alright bye"

"Bye"

Abbie grabbed the bottle out of the fridge and put it in a cup of hot water when she felt that it was warm enough she walked into her daughters room and went over to the crib "hey short-cakes" she picked the baby up "are you hungry" she took the cap of f the bottle and slid the nipple into the baby's mouth.

"I'm weddy mama" Banini walked into the room with a pair of overalls on and a Thomas The Tank Engine thermal on underneath.

"Good job buddy" she put her hand on the back of his head and ushered him out of the nursery "go grab you shoes and I think mommy put your leather jacket on the back of the chair in your room"

"Mama I can't find it"

"Ok babe I'll help you" she turned and made her way back to her sons room. She peered down at the little bundle in her arms "all done" she slipped the bottle out and put her pinky in. "Ok Banini lets see if we can find you jacket" as she walked over to the closet she made a mental note to turn off the humidifier "found it" she pointed to the lower bar in the closet.

"Oh" Banini smiled up at her.

"Yeah" Abbie bent down to eye level "Banini" she waited for him to look at her "remember, if your not feeling well and you feel like your gunna have a fish attack, tell Alex ok"

"Ok"

"Good now get you boots" the words barley left her mouth when she herd the doorbell "coming" she looked through the peephole. Alex was holding a tray with cups in it "please tell me one of those are for me" she opened the door and felt the late December breeze hit her body. Quickly she pulled her sleeping daughter close "in NOW" when she was sure that the other woman was inside she closed the door.

"I come barring coffee and hot coco"

Abbie smiled "I knew there was a reason that we're friends" she ushered Alex to the kitchen "but I couldn't think of it till now" she eagerly took the coffee.

Alex figed hurt and playfully slapped Abbie on the arm "that's the last time I ever bring you anything from starbucks" she took Maddi out of Abbie's arms "is it me or does she look a little pale?"

"Be carful she has the flu and hasn't been keeping-" before she could finish, the exact thing she was trying to keep from happening happened "anything down" she uttered the last part slowly.

Alex closed her eyes and let out a deep breath "I guess this is something to look forward to when I have my child" she handed the screaming baby over to Abbie.

"There's spare clothes in my room"

"Thank you" as Alex made her way towards the back she looked into Banini's room and saw something that brought a smile to her face. The little boy was lying on the floor with one hand behind his head and his ring and middle finger from his other hand in his mouth. She smiled and continued down the hall to her destination. She shrugged off her coat and shirt. She stood in the mirror and put her hand over her growing stomach. _Five more months. _

"How far along are you?"

Alex swung around and pulled on a shirt "umm...uhh..." she played with the hem of the shirt "four months"

Abbie walked closer to the other woman "I didn't know you were that serious with someone"

"I'm not"

Abbie lifted her eyebrows and smiled "well if I was taught correctly, it takes two people to make a baby"

"Can we not talk about this right now" a tear slipped out of her eye before she could stop it.

It all clicked. She's seen it plenty of time's before. _How could you miss this Abigail? The signs were everywhere. She's not herself. You should have known._ "Oh. My. God" Abbie put her hand over her mouth "Alex no" she sat on the bed "when, how, why didn't you tell us?"

Alex let her tears fall "I couldn't remember" she put her hand up "no, I didn't want to remember" she walked over to the window "I thought that if I just pushed it out of my head that...that maybe...maybe it wouldn't be true" she put her hand on her stomach "but then I found out I was pregnant and I knew that wasn't going to be able to keep what happened a secret"

Abbie walked over to the other woman "it's ok me and Liv will always be here for you" she took Alex's hand in hers "trust me, your gunna get through. Just give it time" she wrapped her arms around the woman as they both cried.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Olivia was sitting at her desk when she felt a sharp pain go through her. _Something's wrong. _She felt another pain. _Oh yea, something's wrong. _The first person she thought to call was "Abbie" she whispered. She picked up her cell phone and hit number two on speed dial "come on Abbie pick up"

"Hello" Abbie's voice was horse and Olivia knew she was crying.

"What's wrong" Olivia grabbed her coat and ran out the door "Abigail!"

"It's Maddi. Me and Alex are at the hospital" it was barley audible.

"Where's Banini?" Olivia was now speeding down the empty road.

"Alex took him over to my dads. Leni?"

"What?"

"HURRY"

And with that they both hung up.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Olivia ran towards her wife at the end of the hall "Abigail" she slid to a stop right next to her. "How is she. What's wrong?"

"Leni" sniffle "when I went to go check on her she was barley breathing" sniffle "so I brought her here and they said that the flu that she had developed into pneumonia"

Olivia was going to say something but was interrupted "doctor she's crashing" a middle aged woman ran into the room.

Olivia, Abbie and Alex just stood there in shock. Olivia closed her eyes. G_od, I know I've done some bad things in my life and if I knew it would lead up to something like this I never would have done it. I don't do this often but now god, now is when I need you the most. _Her eyes flew open.

The doctor step away from the table. He looked at the clock "time of death 12:01"

Olivia couldn't belive what she was hearing. She grabbed on to Abbie "no, no, no your lying. What are you doing keep working" she felt her lovers arms pulling her back.

The doctor took off her gloves and walked towards the three women"I uhh...I am so, so sorry for your loss"

"She's not gone" Olivia said through tears "I might not have given birth to her, but I'm telling you she's NOT gone. I can feel it" she made her way over to the table where her daughter was and put her hand on the body. _She's not even three months old god. Is this punishment? Cause if it is then you are one sonofabitch. I was happy. I had the life, Wife, and kids that I always wanted. I guess whatever I did inexcusable because I never thought someone as powerful as you could do something so cold hearted. _She felt something move under her "doctor either I'm imagining this or she's really moving" she opened her eyes and looked down at the baby.

"That's impossible" she took the stethoscope from around her neck and placed the head on the little girls chest "well I'll be dammed"


	9. Hair Cut

**A/N**: so I think the next chapter will be the last cause I don't think anyone's really reading this story! Let me know what you think.

"Mama" Banini ran down the hall of the hospital.

Abbie turned around looking for the source of the voice.

"Mama, mama"

Abbie saw a little boy running down the hall with short hair. _That can't be Banini. He had long hair that last time I saw him. _She looked up at the man coming down the hall with the young boy. _Good lord. That's my son. _She felt the little boy collied with her legs "hey sweetie" she kissed his cheek.

"Up" he held his arms up and waited.

Abbie gave Banini the 'you need to rephrase that' look.

"Pwese" he wined and gently bounced up and down.

Abbie rolled her eyes "yep, there's no doubt that you're my son" she picked the little boy up.

"Yea, spoiled" the older man walked over and kissed the top of Abbie's head.

"Hey dad" she gently pushed her head against his lips. "I see you cut my sons hair" there was a hint of anger in her voice. _Not now Abbie. Not in front of Banini._

"Yea, I didn't want my grandson walking around looking like a girl and embarrassing me" he ran his fingers through the boys short sandy hair.

"Woke mama" Banini turned his head to reveal a stencil of a plane shaved onto the back of his scalp. "It's jus wike Jay Jay"

Abbie couldn't help but get teary eyed. _You missed it. His first haircut and you missed it. _"I see baby" she put the boy down "why don't you go in the room with mommy and Maddi. I'll be there in a minute" she pointed to the door and made sure he was inside. When she turned her head around, the look on her face was a mix of anger and hate.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Hey buddy" Olivia smiled at the little boy standing by the door. She was holding Maddi in one arm and feeding her with her other hand.

"Mommy?"

"Yea little man?" she could tell that the little boy was scared "it's ok, we wont bite"

He walked closer to his mother and sister in the rocking chair "wass wrong wif her?" he pushed himself onto Olivia's leg.

"Carful baby"

"Is she sick?"

"Yea baby. She is" Olivia looked down at that little boy and saw something she'd never seen before.

Banini put his hands over Maddi's body "I fink I can make her better" and with that he closed his eyes.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Abigail I don't understand why your making such a big deal out of this. All I did was cut his hair" the older man said with a calm voice.

"We've barley had him and Maddison five months dad, and already you take the one thing that every parent cherishes the most" she lowered her voice and wiped her eyes "you cut _my _son's hair." she pushed him into a empty room "_I_ was suppose to be there to comfort him when he got scared of the clippers, _I_ was suppose to remind him that _I_ loved him even though he hated me for making him go through getting his hair cut, _I_ was suppose to take him out for hot coco and animal cookies after and tell him that _I_ was proud of him" by this time Abbie was no longer crying, she was to angry to cry "and you did it all because he was making _you_ look bad" she walked out of the room.

"Abigail..." the older man called after the woman.

Abbie just put her hand up. She had barley gotten back into her daughters room, when she felt a nurse quickly pass her.

"Doctor your not going to believe this..."

**A/N**: haha cliffhanger ;)


	10. Rape Kit

**AN:** ok so I know I said this was going to be the last chapter...but I lied. I know shame on me! But I did het some reviews telling me not to stop now. Ok, so I need you all to remember that this is AU so, Elliot was never married to Kathy.

"...her heart rate is back to normal, she's breathing on her own" the nurse stopped to catch her breath.

"This can't be." the doctor took the stethoscope from around her neck and put the head against Maddi's chest "this is unbelievable" she stared at the nurse "if I didn't know any better, I would say this baby is in perfect health"

Olivia sat there looking at her son not really paying attention to what the doctors and her wife were saying. "How?"

Banini quickly put his hands behind his back as if he was trying to hide something. He slowly walked backwards over to Abbie "shhh" he put his index finger over his mouth.

What Olivia had witnessed was nothing short of a miracle. _What the hell. _She could hear Abbie saying something. Getting up from her chair, she walked over towards the growing crowd of nurses, doctors, and roaming pedestrians. "How is she?" it was nothing more then a whisper. She grabbed onto Abbie. Her legs felt like a tun of led.

"She's ok for now" the doctor looked over at the clock "but I'd like to keep her here at least overnight, just for observation"

Olivia broke into a sob. After witnessing her son do something she had no words for and finding out that her daughter wasn't going to die, she couldn't take it anymore. It seemed like a mater of seconds before everything went black.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

(Abbie's POV)

I work the late shift which means if someone needs a lawyer at five in the morning, I'm the one they call. I hate it for the most part. But there are a few perks like less traffic on the way home etc. "honey I'm home" I tossed my coat over the back of the couch and made my way into the bedroom. There she was, laying there, my son and daughter next to her. The sheets barely covering her topless body. Asthma pumps and Vicks sprawled out over the bed, along with tissues and sippie cups. I could hear the soft humming coming from the Thomas The Tank Engine shaped humidifier by the window.

I watched them as I undressed making sure not to make a sound. I let my pants and shirt fall to the floor. I slipped into the bathroom to take a quick shower. When I got out I didn't even bother to dry off. I slipped on a pair of boy shorts and my favorite Dallas Cowboys T-shirt. When I opened the door, I saw Olivia sitting against the headboard with Maddi. She finally got the whole breast-feeding thing down and I must say, she's becoming a pro "hey" I softly climbed into bed.

"Hi" she gave me a delicate smile.

I rolled onto my back, Hissing and soon regretting the move.

"Mama" it came out in a cry.

I knew that cry anywhere. It was the 'I want my mama, and no one but my mama' cry. "Shh...ok" I lifted him onto my chest and felt him relax. When I was sure Banini was asleep again I turned to Olivia "how was it tonight?" I knew it couldn't have been good.

"It was hard" she let a tear fall "and it hurt so badly that I couldn't do anything form Benjamin" I wiped her cheek with my thumb "I tried calling you"

" I know, I was in court and it wasn't pretty" I knew that wasn't an excuse. Family _always _comes first. "I'm so, so sorry" I didn't want her mad.

"It's ok. I understand. I mean look at all the times I've left you guys alone because I got called into work" she looked me right in the eyes.

I could hear Maddison filling her tummy. I nodded my head towards her chest "you expecting something" I gave her a light smile and a wink.

She looked down and smiled "good lord, I totally forgot" she went to pull up the blanket but I quickly grabbed her arm.

"Please don't" I let go of her arm when I saw the look on her face "I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you, I just...well...I mean if you don't have a problem...can you uhh...maybe stay like that" I could feel the tears in my eyes "it's just...ever since we've been together...I mean since I came back and we adopted the kids and now the only time I get to see you" I looked down at her chest hoping she got the point "is when your feeding Maddison" I looked in her eyes "please Leni"

She looked back at me "ok"

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Benjamin Riley Benson if you don't hurry up we're gunna be late" Abbie yelled into the house.

"Ok imma commin" he did something in his room that ended in a loud BOOM.

"What was that?"

"Nuthin mama"

She rolled her eyes "sure" she put the baby carrier on. "Benjamin NOW" she picked up the car-seat and headed towards the garage. When she felt that Maddison was all set she stood in the frame of the door "Benjamin this is the last time I'm gunna tell you to come on" when she didn't here anything she said "or we can't see Alex" and with that she could here the little boy running down the stairs.

"Ok mama, I'm ready" Banini had on a NYPD sweatshirt and a pair of jeans with his rain boots covering most of his legs.

"And what was the holdup mister?" she picked the little boy up and brought him over to the car. When she was done putting him in the car-seat she stood there and looked at him.

"I was wookin for my buwanket and I couldn't find it but den I woked in tha bathroom and it was there" he said madder of factly.

Abbie nodded her head and turned to shut the door. She ran to the garage steps and made sure she had her phone and her keys. Before she set the alarm she got the diaper bag and a extra coat for Banini. When she was done pulling out she herd a whisper coming from her son. That was a signal that it was time for a nap.

"Mama?"

"Yes baby?"

"Wherd we goin?"

Abbie looked at her watch "Well, what would you like to do?" she looked at the little boy through the rearview mirror.

Banini leaned his head against the side of his car-seat and then stuck his middle and ring finger in his mouth. He thought for a minute and then turned to his mother and raised his shoulders.

Abbie pulled up to the light and looked to see what was around "hmm, we could get hot chocolate or we can go right to Alex' house" she saw the light turn green and slowly pressed on the gas. "Or we coul-" before she finish her sentence, she heard a cry coming form Maddison. She quickly looked into her rearview mirror and then into the mirror facing Maddi. She reached into the diaper bag and found what she needed "Banini do you remember how mommy and I showed you how to put the pacifier in Maddi's mouth?"

"Jep!"

"Ok well baby I need you to do that for me" she kept looking back and forth from the mirror to the road. Ignoring the horns blowing because she was going so slow "remember rub her cheek and then slip it in" finaly the crying stopped and Abbie let out a deep breath. "What do you say we get some Starbucks and then head over to Alex' house?"

"Ok"

"Ok" Abbie echoed.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Aleeeeeeex" Banini let go of Abbie's hand and started running.

"Benjamin slow down" Abbie made sure her voice was low but still had some force to it. She looked Down at Maddison to make sure she was still sleeping. She whispered "I hope you don't turn out to be as wiled as your brother" it was more to herself then anything.

"Banini" Alex squatted to meet the little boys height "hey little man" she held her arms out so that she could slow him down before he hugged her ever growing belly. As soon as Banini fell into her arms, she smelt it "someone went to Starbucks."

Banini nodded and held up his sippie cup "jep! And mama got youza egg something" he turned and pointed to the older woman.

Alex whispered in Banini's ear "I think you mean eggnog" she looked back at him for conformation.

"Jea das it, eggnog" he pushed his way past her and as if it were a magnet, sat right in front of the t.v.

"I thought Olivia was coming with you" Alex took the cups from Abbie and led her into the diningroom.

"Yea, about an hour after we got home form church she got a call and had to go into work" she uncliped the baby carrier and put Maddi over her shoulder. "she uhh..." she reached into the diaper bag and pulled out a bottle of medicine "she said that she would meet us here for dinner"

"I see" Alex took a sip of her eggnog "how is she doin'?" she pointed to the young girl in Abbie's arms.

Abbie smiled "all she does is sleep which is understandable since she did just get out of the hospital" she slowly poured the yellow liquid into the bottle " you wanna feed her? It'll help you with your little one" she waited for the younger woman's response. When she got a positive answer, she handed the sleeping baby over.

"Should we wake her?" Alex cradled the baby in her arms.

"I wish I didn't have to but I do" Abbie stood behind Alex and softly ran her index finger along the little girls cheek "sometimes if you run the bottle along her lips she'll open up"

"Ok" Alex did as she was told.

Maddison slowly smiled at the feeling of someone rubbing her cheek and in a matter of minutes she latched on. Within that second she spit it all back out.

"she figured you out" Abbie handed Alex a towel and the put one over her shoulder.

Alex wasn't getting scared with the screaming child in her arms. Instead she held the small bundle closer and started talking to her "oh I know, that sneaky mother of yours thought she could get away with putting that yucky stuff in your bottle" she opened the lid of her eggnog and stuck her pinky in it. When she felt that it wasn't to hot anymore, she slowly put her finger into Maddi's hungry mouth "you like that don't ya" she did the same thing with the nipple of the bottle.

Maddison griped her little hands around the bottle and began draining it.

"See, all you have to do is tell mama that your into the bribing stages" she adjusted herself on the chair and felt a kick and then herd the little girl laugh "oh you think that's funny" she put Maddi's hand over her belly "feel that, that's my little guy" she herd a giggle from the girl and smiled.

"So your having a boy?"

"No we're having a girl" it wasn't Alex talking, and Abbie noticed that right away.

Abbie looked at the other woman "I know that voice" she whispered "you never told me you were dating."

"You never asked" the man standing at the door was hott! He had short hair blue eyes and a goatee that didn't make him look like a wolf. "Hey Abbie" he leaned against the doorframe.

Abbie kept her eyes on Alex "Elliot" it was just a whisper. She wasn't surprised that the woman had someone in her life, she just never thought it would be Elliot. "See, I knew you were seeing someone" she nodded "but I didn't know it was him" she pointed to the man.

"Hey, what's that suppose to mean?" Elliot came over and pressed a friendly kiss to Abbie's cheek.

"I'm just surprised is all" she looked back and forth from Alex to Elliot "how long" she waved her finger between the two.

"Elliot and I uhh...well we umm" Alex couldn't find a way to explain it.

"We went to high school together" he looked at Alex for conformation "but we split when Alex went to law school, but with a twist of fate we both ended up at SVU" he kissed Alex on the lips.

"Your both are so gross" Abbie bunched up her face

"What?"

"Don't what me" Abbie raised her eyebrow "and right in front of my kid" she shook her head.

"Sorry" both Elliot and Alex said in unison.

"Olivia's gunna be mad"

"Why, all I did was kiss her" Elliot said in defense.

"Not that dumbo"

"Oh, well then what?"

"You didn't tell her you were comin' down" Abbie walked into the living room and picked up a sleeping Banini. "Hey baby, there's someone here I want you to meet" she slowly rubbed small circles on his back.

"I'm so sweepy mama" it was all a mumble.

"I know, but you just had a nap" she sat down "hey, look at me" she lifted his chin with her finger "mommy's gunna be here soon for dinner" she ran her hand through the little boy's hair.

"Mama?" Banini laid his head on Abbie's chest.

Abbie lightly laid her head on top of his "yea baby"

"The fink ders somthin' wrong" for the first time he looked into the woman's eyes "I can feel it in here" he pointed to his heart.

And at that moment Abbie felt it too

"I know baby, I feel it too"

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"What time did you get home?" Abbie was a long t-shirt and had a blanket wrapped around her.

Olivia quickly pulled her shirt down "hey I didn't know you we're awake" she stood up, the flaps from her overalls hitting her legs as she walked "we ended up working longer then I thought" she bent down into the fridge and hissed in pain "ssss...shit"

Abbie griped the blanket tighter and walked into the kitchen "you ok" she knew something was wrong. She felt it.

Olivia put the rest of the recently made bottles in the fridge "yea, I'm fine I just...ahhh...ssss" she fell to the floor in pain.

Abbie flipped the lights on and made her way over to the other woman "tell me what happened" she didn't realize how pale Olivia looked. She wrapped the blanket around the older woman and pulled her close.

"Oww Abbie that hurts" Olivia griped the blanket tight.

"What hurts?" when she didn't get an answer she took matters into her won hands "ok your coming with me" she picked Olivia up and brought her into the bedroom.

Olivia was to tiered to fight. She was in to much pain.

Abbie laid Olivia on the bed and started taking off all of the woman's cloths. When she took off her pants there were cuts everywhere. Some were self inflicted and others were just to hard to stomach. When she took off the woman's shirt, what she saw made her burst out in tears "who did this?"

"I don't know" Olivia was getting tiered.

Abbie ran her fingers over the purple bruises on Olivia's chest and stomach "who did this to you Leni, who hurt you?" she shook the woman a little "Leni answer me"

"The car wouldn't start and...ssss" she grabbed the pillow when a sharp pain went through her body.

"Breath" while Olivia was talking, Abbie was trying to do whatever she could to help the cuts and bruises.

"And this guy offered to help me" she wiped the tears falling from her eyes "I thought I had it under control, I didn't know he was gunna hurt me" her body shook with fear and pain.

"Shhh your fine, I'm gunna help you but we gotta get you to a hospital" she knew the older woman wasn't going to agree, so she didn't make it an option.

"The kids?" it was not more then a whisper.

"At Alex' I had a feeling something was wrong so just to be sure, I left them there for the night" she put on a long sleeved Dallas Cowboys t-shirt and a pair of overalls. She put all of Olivia's cloths back on and within minutes they were in the car and heading to the hospital.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Ok Olivia I need you to step onto this paper and take off all of your cloths" when the doctor saw the worried look on her face she said "it's ok all you have to do is put them in the labled bags and then put on-"

"I know what to do" Olivia was horse and tired and in pain.

"I take it this isn't your first time?" the doctor took a rape kit out of the cabinet and marked it.

Olivia cleared her throat "please don't take this the wrong way but uhh...do you think you get Dr. Reese to do the kit?" she sat on the cold bed.

"Uhh sure one sec" the young doctor walked out the door.

About ten minutes later, a woman who looked to be in her early thirties with long hair in two french braids, walked in. "Olivia I her-"

"Can we please just get on with it" she didn't want to sound rude but either way she didn't really care.

"Ok" she picked up a pair of gloves and pulled them on. The snap from the gloves made Olivia jump "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you"

Olivia nodded her head "It's ok"

"Ok" Dr. Reese turned and picked up Olivia's chart "alright I'm gunna ask you some ques-" again she was cut off.

Olivia knew this part all to well, she'd sat in this room with more victims then she could count "No I have not had any sexual intercourse in the last twenty-four to forty-eight hours prior to the assault" she wait till the woman wrote down everything she had just said "I have not eaten, taken a shower, brushed my teeth, used the bathroom, or vomited. I was not pregnant nor was I taking any birth control at the time of the assault" she stopped so that the other woman could catch up "full penetration of umm...my vaginal area, ejaculation on my thy, stomach, and uhhh...and my face. I took two Advil's before I left home" she felt her legs slowly moving back and forth. "Date of my last period is December fourteenth."

"Time?"

"Approximately seven-thirty" she cleared her throat again "and before you ask me, I don't know who he is"

"Ok" Dr. Reese finished up something's on the chart and then the nurse handed her two cotton swabs "so we're gunna do the blue light now" she nodded to the nurse "ok, so I'm gunna swab your thy first" she ran the two swabs over the white spot "and now your stomach" Olivia took in a deep breath "and your face" when Dr. Reese was done she asked Olivia to turn around.

"I was on my back the whole time" she looked away "I bit my fingernails down last night so there's no need to swab them" she sat back up on the bed. She hated what was coming next. The nurse put the stirrups onto the bed "I can't do this" she ran her fingers through her hair.

"You can, you came this far. After this your done" she looked into Olivia's eyes "hey, I saw Abbie outside and if you want she can come sit with you" she tilted her head to the side.

Olivia didn't really want Abbie to see her like this. She didn't want Abbie to she her in such a vulnerable state. "Yea that would be ok" but Abbie was her rock and she needed her.

"Ok, nurse can you do me a favor"

While the doctor was telling the nurse who to look for, Olivia laid back and for the first time since being in the hospital she let a tear fall. _This is going to be a long night_


	11. Remembering

**AN:**ENJOY

"Hey" Abbie walked in, her hands in her pockets and her hair in a messy ponytail. She nodded her thank you to the nurse for bringing a chair over "how you holden' up?" she didn't expect the older woman to say that she was 'fine' or the she was 'ok' or to even answer at all. She nodded her head at the silence.

"Alright Olivia" Dr. Reese folded her arms over her chest "I'm gunna do the gynecological exam now" she didn't get a reply from the other woman "listen, we can stop now and you can just go home and everything that we've done so far would have been a waste" she put her knee on the stool "or we can finish and get this over with" she looked from Olivia to Abbie and back.

Olivia looked up at the doctor, her eyes were red from the force she put on them by trying to keep her tears at bay. "Fine" she slowly put her feet into the stirrups.

Dr. Reese cleared her throat "ok" she replaced her old gloves with new ones. She waited for the nurse to hand her what she needed "alright I'm gunna try and get this over with as fast as I can" she saw the other woman nod "but if at anytime I'm hurting you, you let me know" she turned to the nurse again "ok, I'm going to collect hairs now" she waved the comb high enough so that Olivia could see it "and now I'm gunna swab" she held up two of the cotton swabs.

Olivia grabbed the sheets. You could see her pain without having to look at her face. She refused to look at the younger woman sitting next to her.

Abbie new the feeling Olivia had all to well. She'd been there before. She'd been here before. Abbie laid her hand on top of Olivia's and prayed that the older woman wouldn't pull away. When she felt the other woman grip her hand, she let out a deep breath.

Dr. Reese stood up and put the last envelope into the box "all done, I just need you to sign here and here" she said pointing to two spots on the paper "and while your doing that I'll get you a AZT to prevent HIV and emergency contraception pills to prevent pregnancy and antibiotics that ward off gonorrhea and chlamydia etc." she left the room so that Olivia could get dressed.

Abbie stood up "I'm gunna uhhh...I'm just" she pointed towards the door "I'll be...yea" she started to walk out the door.

"Please don't" it was just a whisper. "I'm gunna need help putting on my cloths and I rather someone who I know help me" For the first time Olivia looked at the other woman.

"Ok" Abbie walked over to the table and grabbed the scrubs that were put there by the nurse. "Whenever your ready"

Olivia finished signing the papers "let's do this"

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Ok, so remember I'm not suppose to be letting you go, especially with three fractured ribs" Dr. Reese took out a prescription pad "but uh...take two of these every four-to-six hours" Olivia was going to protest, but Dr. Reese put her hand up "do you remember what you other option is Olivia? Because I'm letting you go home AMA" when she saw Olivia back down she continued "umm...if the pain becomes to much then I want you right back here" she turned to Abbie "and please don't let her go back to work" Dr. Reese put her hand together as if she were praying.

Abbie looked at her lover with a smirk on her face "yea I'll do what I can" _Olivia Benson out of work. Only if I or one of the kids were sick, but never for herself. _

"Alright here you go" Dr. Reese detached the paper from the pad "and be safe!"

"Thank you" both Abbie and Olivia said in unison.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Olivia spotted him the minute she stepped out of the hospital room. I mean who couldn't help but notice the officer standing there. His walkie talkie was blaring, he was pacing back and forth, and on top of that he was tall "idiot, the walkie talkie goes down when you in a hospital" she whispered to herself.

"Did you say something?" Abbie might have been walking a couple of steps in front of the older woman, but she was sure she herd something.

"Umm, yea I was just thinking that uhh...why don't you go get the car and I'll go sign out and get these filled" she reverted her eyes from the cop to her lover.

"Yea...ok" Abbie knew something was going on, but she wasn't going to say anything.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Officer Taylor?" Olivia tried to play it cool.

"Benson?" the boy had a box in his hand.

Olivia quickly ran her eyes over the box "I see your pickin' up a kit" she nodded her head towards the white box with the numbers 61091 on it.

"Uhh...yea, doc says the vic doesn't wanna press charges but we still have to take it" he looked at the older woman "what you doin' here?"

Olivia's impulse took over "I'm here to pick up a kit, but it looks like you got to it" she noticed the boy sweating "let me guess wife waiting at home, and she doesn't know you slipped out of the house for work" she rubbed the paper between her fingers.

The boy smiled and nodded his head "yea, yea how'd you know?"

"Darlin' it's writtin' all over your face" she held her hand out "why don't you let me take it, and you can go home, be with you wife, you know have a good time" she tried to put on a good smile.

"Well, I don't know"

"Ay, as I recall you're the rookie cop and I'm the detective" she still had her smile on knowing that if she showed her anger, the boy really wouldn't trust her.

"Ok, but don't tell cap"

"Hey, I wont if you wont" she took the box "now go before I change my mind" the boy was gone in a flash "oh yea, he's fired" Olivia walked towards the nurses station.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Leni?" Abbie called into the cool air. She could here the water running in the bathroom. She swung her feet over the edge of the bed and looked at the clock that read five o'clock "it hasn't even been an hour" she got up and made her way over to the bathroom "baby, you ok?" when she didn't get a reply she knocked "Leni?" she gave up and twisted the door knob.

Olivia was sitting on the floor next to the bathtub. She looked like she was in a daze. Abbie slowly walked closer to the woman in an effort to not scare her. It didn't work. Olivia grabbed Abbie's wrist and twisted it, jumping into cop mode.

"Leni let go, it's just me" Abbie's face had not changed. She was in pain but didn't show it.

When Olivia realized what she was doing, she let go. "I'm so, so sorry" she tried backing up but found that there was nowhere to go. "I'm so sorry. It's all my fault" she kept repeating it over and over.

Abbie took her chances and quickly but calmly took the woman into her arms "shh it's not your fault" she swayed gently "I'm fine it's ok, you didn't hurt me" she held her lover close.

Olivia rapidly shook her head "no, no, no" she pulled away from her lover "I was stupid and I should have known what was going to happen" she took a deep breath "I should have known that he was going to r-r-rape me" her body started to shutter. At that moment, Olivia broke.

Abbie knew the feeling. The empty feeling. The feeling of being lost. She'd been there before, but this time she was on the other side. She was on the comfort side. She knew that nothing could take away the pain that the older woman was feeling, but she knew that if the positions were reversed; Olivia would do the same, she would sing. "somewhere over the rainbow,  
way up high..."

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Hey mister" Banini pulled on Elliot's pant leg.

The older man couldn't help but smile "how about you call me Elliot?" he picked the little boy up so they were face to face.

Banini rubbed his chin "Ok"

"Alright, so was there something you wanted to ask?" he broke off half of a banana and gave it to the boy.

"Oh jea! When are my mommy's coming to pick me up?"

Elliot didn't have an answer "I don't know buddy, but you know what?"

Banini shook his head no "what?"

"When Alex and Maddison wake up, I was thinking we could go out to Starbucks" at this the little boys eyes lit up.

"Dat's my favorite pwace to go"

"I know, Alex told me"

"Well, when are they gunna be up?"

Elliot let out a soft chuckle "buddy it's five in the morning" he pointed out the window "the suns not even awake yet" he took a wipe out of the holder and wiped the boys face "tell you what, let's go back to bed for a little while" when he didn't get an answer "you can sleep with me and Alex"

Banini slipped the rest of the banana into his mouth "ok! But wait, my mama always sings tha rainbow song to me when I sleep" he held Elliot's face in his hands.

"Hmmm I see, how about _I_ sing it to you?"

Again Banini rubbed his chin "I guess so"

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Abbie stood up and pulled the plug in the bathtub "why don't you try taking a bath instead of a shower, Dr. Reese said it would help with the pain and bruising" she made a mental note to buy some more bubble bath, but in the meantime she put some of the lavender sope from Maddison's basket. "I'll be right outside if you need me" she turned the light down in the bathroom before she slipped out.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Everything was going through Olivia's head. She guided herself into the tub. When she was settled, memories of the past days cam flooding back like a huge title wave. "It's not my fault, I didn't do anything wrong" she whispered to herself.

_Flashback_

"_Olivia calm down, I wouldn't hurt you if it wasn't for your own good" the man laughed and jammed his knee into the side of her body which caused her to yell out in pain, and in return brought a smile to the mans face._

"_Why are you doing this?" Olivia was in so much pain but refused to let it show. When the man bent down to unbuckle his pants, Olivia saw her chance to get away. She slowly released the fist that she had made out of the pain running through her body, and pushed the palm of her hand into the mans face._

"_Ah shit" the man fell back, momentarily forgetting about the woman laying on the ground._

_Olivia went to get up, but was too late "NO please" she let out a whimper "I'm sorry" she could here the buckles on the mans belt clicking together "please no" it was just a whisper, she was to tiered and in to much pain. That's when it happened. Everything went black. Not because she was knocked out, but because that was the only thing she could do. In the quite night you could here her singing "somewhere over the rainbow, way up high..." _

"_Shut up bitch" the man was getting angrier. Partly from the fact that Olivia fought back harder then the other women, and also from the fact that she stopped fighting back. He liked it rough, that's why he started raping women. _

_End flashback_

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

"Hey Banini" the woman at the register greeted the young boy. She had an hourglass figure and her hair was a dark brown that went past her shoulders. Her eyes were one of a kind. They were red. She had the batman sign tattooed on her neck, one reason the boy was so into her.

"Hi Corrie" the little tot waved from Elliot's arms.

Elliot thought it strange that the boy knew the woman working at Starbucks "did I forget to mention that Abbie and Liv come here almost everyday?" Alex winked at the mans expression.

Elliot smiled "well, Corrie I'll take a grande coffee, the little guy will have a - "

"Tall hot coco with four ice cubes" she smiled.

"Wow, your good" he looked back at Alex who was holding Maddison "and a eggnog for the pretty lady" he smiled to himself. _This would never happen in New York._

"Come on El lets go" Banini pushed his body against the older mans.

"Ok I'm goin'" Elliot waved his hand at the cashier "bye"

"Bye, bye Corrie" Banini waved over Elliot's shoulder.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Olivia was sweating profusely. Even in the cold air. She couldn't stop shaking. She couldn't wake up from the nightmare that was her life. Something was bugging her. Something was racking her brain. She'd seen the man before. She knew the deep voice, the expensive smell, the hard but yet gentle touch. Then it clicked. As if her brain was like a computer going through files of people she knew. She could here Abbie at the door, the knob turning.

"Leni, you ok?"

Olivia looked at the younger woman "I know who did it. I know who raped me" her eyes fell closed. Exhaustion had taken over.

**THE END**

**AN:** yes folks this is the final destination for this story, but don't worry there will be a sequel! But tell me if you liked it, I'd looove to know your thoughts.


End file.
